Archive | 3:35 pm

too good not to share: parenting taboos

15 Nov

My friend was kind enough to send this TED talk out, and I’ve been reposting it on facebook walls, pasting it in emails ever since.  It simply rings true.

This spring I had a conversation with a close girlfriend of mine who is also a new mother.  We were discussing the first few months, and she responded to something I had said about the difficulties, “But you were so lonely and unhappy.  I never experienced any of that.”  Immediately I felt shut down.  This woman is supportive, sensitive, and kind, and I’m sure her words wouldn’t have troubled me if I hadn’t been already so self-conscious of my feelings of isolation, the feelings I was never supposed to have.  New mothers are supposed to be elated, joyful, and so connected–but 58% of mothers report feelings of loneliness.

For my part, my isolation was not due to lack of support.  Sure, we don’t live near family, but we were fortunate to have many make the trek to visit us, to check in, to bring food.  My classmates in the city were generous, very consistently checking up on things in the middle of their own very chaotic schedules.  And a neighbor, with whom I hadn’t exchanged more than a few sentences prior to the birth of my daughter, left me all her contact information right before Hurricane Sandy hit, so that I and the one-week-old Ari could easily reach out for what we needed while John was at work.  I think it’s just normal, and very much okay, especially while we’re still struggling to find solutions like Jholabhari in India.

And I love Rufus and Alisa’s manner of speaking/presenting.  I would really like to learn how to come off as so articulate, yet also casual, funny, and genuinely sincere.