Archive | 11:58 am

not ready/so ready

3 Nov

The last two months have been blissful!  I’m a full-time mom and part-time student.  I have class two evenings a week when I venture into the city by myself and get to discuss and debate with fellow med students, physicians, professors, lawyers, nurses, other grad students–makes me feel like a grown up.  I even dress pretty (by comparison).  Aurelia’s in daycare twice a week so I can work and she can play and learn with friends her own size.  She absolutely loves it–starts panting when she sees the purple door!

Then I’m with my daughter for five days without guilt about the work I’m not doing.  I keep comparing it to my time with her in the first few months.  I was trying to get a paper published and, though I loved having something else to think about, I should have just hired a sometimes babysitter months before I did.  Trying to get work done in 10- to 20-minute increments is not a happy way to work, and it kind of made me feel like I was failing on both mom and med student fronts.  In summary, life now is better.

That all changes tomorrow.  Ari goes back to daycare full-time so I can study for step 2 of the boards.  We’re both ready, but I’ll miss this time with her.  It’s been a good balance of the things I love.  But this preparation for step 2 I think will be an needed ramp-up for when I start back full-time at school in January, a commitment that spans beyond daycare hours (yeah…we’ll be looking for a babysitter from 5am-7:30am; let me know if you know anyone who might be interested!).

To add twist to this turn of plot, John is leaving town for the next nine days.  Bah, Dallas, bah!  On the one hand, I actually feel like my work load is lessened a bit when John’s away, since I don’t spend very much effort on things like dinner (Ari and I are pleased as punch to just have paleo pancakes, thanks).  But I miss him already, and I know Aurelia will be a little crushed when she intently whispers “Da!  Dada!” as we round the corner to the bedroom, and he’s not there.  Wish us luck!

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