one step forward and…

It’s been a while since I wrote what I’d like to think of as a playfully self-deprecating post about my parenting…

Let’s start with #1…

Ari’s the kid who has always met her milestones.  While she wasn’t sprinting at six months or reciting Shakespeare at two years, she’s healthily plodded along with what’s been expected of her.  For example, her first two-word phrase came pleasantly a month or two prior to her second birthday, as scheduled.  (The phrase was “boo-boo back.”  “Boo-boo” was her word for breast though, in this case, she was referring to my entire being as I reentered the room.  That’s right, my daughter thought of me as one big boob.  When Evie would cry anytime thereafter, she would order, “boo-boo back!”  Hey Mom, please shove a breast into the kid’s face so she will shut up.)

Ari has done well with a fork and spoon for over a year now.  But now, seeing her 10-month-old kid sister smash ripe bananas into her face with both hands, Ari often wants to join in the fun.  Fine.  She then watches me take Evie’s fully saturated and stained clothes off and cheerfully screams “Naked!” and proceeds to take her clothes off.  Again, whatever–a happy, naked two-year-old in her own home.

Yesterday Ari ripped off her diaper too.  So potty training has fallen a bit by the wayside recently, but she gets the concept and I highly doubt she’ll go to high school in diapers.  I’m not concerned.

Then, while giving me the widest s@*#-eating grin, she urinated on the living room floor.  “Puddle!!!!!”  She jumped in it, splashing her sister, her mother, and herself with urine.  “Oooh!  Warm puddle!”  Our life needs to be a Clorox commercial.

And #2…

Poor, poor second child.  Last night marked the third time she has fallen on her head on our watch.  Remember how wrecked I was the one time Ari hit her head?  I was putting pajamas on Ari and Evie was playing on the bed, literally a foot from me.  Out of nowhere, I think because she thought it was funny, she throws her bodyweight backward and does a full backward somersault off the bed.  Luckily, it’s only about 14 inches off the ground and she landed on carpet, but I was a little terrified of a c-spine injury.  She was consoled within about 90 seconds, particularly impressive considering Ari was doing circles around her, tapping the top of her head and singing “one fell off and bumped her head.”  No loss of consciousness.  No vomiting.  No obvious bruising.  No palpable fractures.  No tenderness to palpation over the skull or spine.  Moving her head in all directions.  But, Jesus, she can’t catch a break.

So, my children are surviving.  I had two educational psychologists (friends of mine) over for dinner last week.  They thought I was doing okay.  Is it fair to assume that there’s been no permanent damage yet?

Speaking of permanent damage, when are they too old for these pictures?