in addition

24 May

I was going to include this next bit in my last post, but I didn’t want my sometimes displeasure with my current career state to detract from John’s accomplishments.  That said, from talking with colleagues, I think this is a fairly common situation for med students who are partnered with others (or have close friends) who play more the part of the successful adult career guy/gal in the relationship, while we are still in our 20+ year of schooling.  I thought it important to at least make mention.

Sometimes when I see all the wonderful ways he contributes to his profession and our family (being our family’s breadwinner and fixing all the appliances I break due to either clumsiness or ineptitude, to name a couple), I can’t help but ask (mostly in jest), “What are you doing with me?  What do I bring to this relationship?”

And without pause, “You bring happiness.”

He’s good, isn’t he?

I don’t mean to be self-deprecating here.  I get called out for being too self-deprecating.  Yes, it’s important for young women to be confident, I get that.  But isn’t it also a marker of confidence to not conceal our insecurities?  To make them public so we can actively address and conquer them?

I feel like a theme of this week has been the conflict between loving being a student (all the privileges and opportunities, protected time to learn and soak in so much) and hating being a student (the frustrations that come with feeling like you’re spending some of your best years n0t creating anything).  I know it’s an investment; I know I need to do the training.  And right now I’m sort of limiting my scope to my professional, not personal, contributions.  But, every now and then, I really just want to be of immediate use.

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