Last week I received the email with my score of my neuro shelf, and I got an all too familiar knot in the pit of my stomach. The score was not outstanding, though also not an embarrassment. This tends to be where I fall for many exams, which gets to me sometimes. I think about how much I fixated on scores prior to med school. And then, more importantly, I think about competency: do my grades reflect the quality of doctor I’ll be? Medical education is serious business, and it should be taken seriously. I do take it seriously. But then I also rationalize that a few points better or worse on a standardized exam probably does not reflect my competency…or am I being flippant?
This was still my internal dialogue as we returned from Nashville for our second wedding weekend in a row. Despite best intentions, I’m a little stressed about two weekends of studying lost, especially since I study hardly at all during the week with our current Ari-routine.
So I’m trying to focus on the short-term list we have hanging in the study/Ari’s room. Earlier this year, John and I sat down to create a list of short-term (0-3 years) and a list of long-term goals (3-15 years), which include everything from financial (pay off student loans) to personal (get a dog) to friend/relationship-focused (attend as many beach weeks as possible). Not far down on the short-term list is: “Attend as many weddings as possible.” Nowhere is there mention, “Score honors on the neuro and psych shelf exam.”
This weekend, Jess (our friend from John’s med school days, who I look to often for career and parenthood inspiration/advice) could not for the life of her remember her performance on her shelf exams. While I do not want to wish the time away, I look forward to when this marker of competency/achievement will be a memory I struggle/fail to keep.
